Sturmkaiser
by kyubikudagitsune713
Summary: Kaiser Sabel, a half-German woman, is a master thief and inventor. However, she may have bit off more than she can chew when she steals an alien artifact from Agent Bishop, setting off the strangest series of events that will entirely change her life!
1. HEIST!

KBKG: HA! HA! I figured out how to separate my stuff from my intros... HA!

Bishop: Sound so proud of yourself, you stupid little fool.

KBKG: ...BOY, you're a downer, man.

Bishop: It's what I exist for.

KBKG: At least you look good doing it... ANYWAY, I decided I'd put up an actual OC-BASED STORY :GAAAASPS!: This story is called Sturmkaiser, and it's about my OC Kaiser Säbel, who's half-German. I have this story up on DeviantArt, too, but I wanted to get all different kinds of opinions on it.

Bishop: Kyubikudagitsune713 does not own TMNT. In fact, she doesn't own anything. She sold rights to

* * *

herself to me in exchange for-

KBKG: ANNNNNNNNYWAY! This is Chapter 1, HEIST!

* * *

It was a big day for Bishop. His troops had managed to bring in an alien power core well over four hundred years old. With it, his experiments and his operation would improve visibly in a very short amount of time.

He estimated it would put his research ahead roughly seventy years.

Bishop was standing in front of the pedestal carrying the object—a simple glowing yellow orb that gave off a steady high-pitch hum as it vibrated in its container, always moving, always whirling. He wondered, briefly, just how much energy it contained. The studies would show enough.

Smirking, the tall man fixed his dark glasses and turned, his long coat whipping after his heels as he left the containment center, shutting the high-security doors and punched in both security codes into the locks on either sides of the door, scanned his retinas to finish the job, and left two of his men at the doors. Bishop then went to check on Stockman's business deeper in the compound.

He'd no sooner gotten out of sight than something moved, slowly, silently on the ceiling. A figure stood up, wearing, strangely, white gear aside from some equipment strapped to their uniform that was darker in color. Fortunately, the compound's poor lighting—Bishop was admittedly cheap on such things—hid the brighter coloration in the tall, dark hallways.

The figure reached back into their belt and pulled out two small mechanical disks, each no bigger than a nickel around, and threw them. Tink! Rather than their intended targets, they both hit the ground and rolled down the hallway.

Silently cursing their moment of terrible aim, the figure ducked behind the metal pipes going through the ceiling as both guards turned, aiming their high-grade laser rifles. "…You see who threw those?" One asked, carefully picking one of them up and looking at it. A simple little metal ring around a brighter-colored core.

"…Looks like a button or something." He said. Seeing at least one opportunity, the figure pushed a button on a switch. The soldier grunted as a small pulse ran through the device, and suddenly faceplanted with a THUD. "What the hell—" The other one turned, in time for the figure to jump down onto his back, slamming another one onto the back of his neck and jumping off.

Before the soldier could turn and fire, the figure pushed another switch and down he went, too, before the alarm could be set.

It had been close. Too close. They would have to work on their aim. _Note to self: buy dartboard. _They told themselves, turning to the door. After careful examination, they decided there was no way in hell they were getting through that way.

Sure, they could repeat each access code, but it wasn't like they were a shape-changer that could change their retinas to match somebody else's. That kind of stuff was just a little too out there.

So, planting one foot on the wall, one of the metal devices set to the bottom of their shoes suddenly beeped, and then the other, and the figure calmly walked right up the wall, examining the entire section around the room. And, disgruntled, found there was no way in aside from the doors.

Well, save blowing open a wall, but that was just so _crude_. Then, an idea hit the figure. If they couldn't get in on their own…

That guy in the black coat would get them in.

~Time Skip 1...

It was only a matter of time before the solders woke up and immediately reported the incident, and Bishop came running, infuriated. He punched in the first code, then the second, scanned his retinas, and the door opened. As he walked in, he didn't notice a follower quickly ducking around the top of the doorway and hurrying up to the top of the tall, dark ceiling of the containment chamber.

Bishop immediately walked to the power core, only to find it intact, humming away as usual, and he turned. "…Looks like they didn't get in." He said, and he held out a hand. Immediately, one of the guards walked over and put all three of the little destabilizing devices in his palm, and he looked at them.

Pretty damn small. But detailed. Two of them were burnt and fried from being used, but the third one was still perfectly intact.

A sudden thought hit him and he immediately put it in a bag away from his skin. Fortunately for him he did so—the thief-to-be cursed to themselves on the ceiling. A second later and he would have been down for the count. Today was just not a good day for them.

Bishop turned, scanning the room. No windows, and the surface was smooth as could be. No climbing in or out, no hiding higher up. Or so he thought. He turned, giving the core one final check. "…Cover all skin while guarding any important technology. Triple guard. I'll take these devices to Stockman for further examination." He said.

"Sir!" was the chorus, and the doors shut behind the EPF with an ominous clang. After a moment, the thief slid silently down the side of the wall, looking over their shoulder. Just in case, they pushed a button on their gear that would disguise their body heat in the room. That bastard seemed like the thorough type. No taking chances today.

Walking over to the power core, they carefully circled it, thinking carefully about the safest and most efficient way to remove it—without triggering any alarms. Finally, they pulled on a black glove that had red veins going through it and a microchip on the back of the palm, and carefully pulled something out of their pocket.

Pushing forward, they slowly but carefully made the switch, and pulled the power core out. Flipping the glove inside-out like a container over the volatile sphere, the thief tucked it away into a canister on their belt, and looked at their work.

Sitting in place of the energy sphere was a brightly colored yellow softball, and drawn on it in permanent marker was a face blowing a raspberry.

The anime reference had been too sweet to pass up.

Then, quickly, the figure ran up to the wall and hopped up, moving up and flattening themselves over the doorframe. Now, just to wait for that guy to come back again and open the door so escape was possible.

No need to rush. No need to be impatient. The longer he thought the core was sitting in place, the longer the time it could have been potentially stolen in, the better.

Started out a bad job, but now it was starting to look better.

~Time Skip 2...

Bishop returned three hours later, just when the thief was finally starting to get impatient and planning on a way to draw attention to the chamber. The doors opened, and the agent walked right underneath, moving straight toward the 'core'. Immediately, the thief silently flipped around the doorframe and to the other side, immediately moving to the roof and ducking to hide.

Okay, so maybe they wanted to see the fuss. A roar of rage rang out inside, and hearing it seemed to shake that desire out of the thief. They decided then and there they'd fucked with the wrong person and immediately went to escape through a small ventilation shaft. Fortunately, their figure was thin and they were able to slide through and shut the shaft, and immediately army-crawled down it as fast as they could.

_Note to self, stay away from THAT GUY! Who CARES how good the bounty is?_ They thought to themselves. Reaching the end of the ventilation shaft, they dropped into a larger room, which was the underground entrance to the bay, and, pulling down the cloth cover over their mouth and noise, they replaced it with a strange vented breathing mask and dove in.

For a moment, bubbles rose to the surface, and then, there was nothing as alarms and flashing lights began to blare through the compound.

Deeper inside, Bishop was almost to the point of spitting, he was so furious. He was throwing around threats, shouts, demanding that the place be locked down. He didn't want an _ant_ getting in or out.

So, they closed the floodgates, just moments after the thief had passed through them.

Not a good day for Bishop.

~Meanwhile, across town...

The thief slid in the window of a small two-story brick house crammed between two other housing complexes, and sighed, walking to the closet underneath the staircase. Ducking down and in, they slid underneath and found a hidden plate in the concrete, and punched in a quick sequence, before the plate moved underneath them and promptly dumped our thief into an underground lab facility.

"Ugh, damn! I gotta fix that damn thing…! Why is my day sucking so much…?" The thief argued, rubbing their bruised tailbone before standing, walking over to a container. Opening the canister and turning the glove on back normally onto their hand, they reached out, putting their brand-spankin' new power core into the container. That done, they removed the glove completely, and started running scans on their computer.

Turning, the figure sighed and pulled back the cloth and hood covering their head and pulling down the night-vision goggles—custom made.

The young woman shook the sweat and water out of her short brown hair, and ran her fingers through it.

"Damn. I just barely got out of there." She told herself simply, peeling herself out of her gear and wrapping a towel around herself as she turned to the computer, looking at the progress of the scans.

Seemingly approving, she turned and walked to a nearby sectioned-off area that contained a shower and a decontamination area. It would remove all traces of anywhere she'd been, and any residue from the energy core.

Hopefully. It still had a few bugs she had to work out. Then she paused as a sudden, terrible thought hit her, and she ran back. The girl scowled, picking up a cellphone from a desk and dialing as fast as she could. This was an emergency.

Putting it to her ear, she sighed in relief. "_China Garden, may I take your order_?" rang through. "Oh, THANK GOODNESS, I was worried I wouldn't get you before you closed. It's Kaiser Säbel again, Zhou. I just got home from a bad day and I'm _starving_, send the usual, okay? Ooh—extra egg drop soup today. And extra fortune cookies just cuz you loooooove meeee?" She added in a pitiful tone.

"_You pay extra!_" rang through in disgust.

"…These devices were little doozies. They could've knocked out a charging bull." Stockman said as his cyborg form was looking at the one that was still intact. "How do they work?" Bishop was disgusted at the fact that he'd lost the power core. Let alone the fact they had no sign of the thief.

For the sake of efficiency, he'd set up the cameras in the container room to only turn on the video recording if they started detecting body heat within ten feet of the container, or the electronic signature of a robotic lifeform. How the hell had this happened?

"They don't contain a tranquilizer. Just the opposite. These babies activate your adrenaline. Enough to knock about anything out. Hell, enough to kill you if they're planted in the wrong place." Stockman said. "And adrenaline would be undetectable in most biological scans. It would be mistaken for adrenaline activated naturally by the body. It's a risky maneuver, but it's smart." Bishop admitted grudgingly.

"Right. But unfortunately, they're one-time use. Their wiring is much too delicate, and the human body only has a limited amount of adrenaline at a given point and time. Once the soldiers woke up, our thief wouldn't have been able to use the same method again. Whoever this was felt that they had plenty of time and knew how to use it." Stockman said, turning his eyeball to Bishop.

"…The thief _LET_ the soldiers wake up to get me there to open the door. That BASTARD!" Bishop realized, slamming his fist into the table so it rattled. Then he looked at his chief scientist. "Can you get any clue who made them from the design? Chaplin? Donatello, or Leatherhead, even?" He asked.

"Apparently you have a new enemy, because I don't have a clue! This make and model are unknown to me!" was the almost cheery reply from the artificially-sustained brain. Bishop just glared him down. "Oh, don't worry, I'll try to study the devices more in-depth. I no longer have adrenal glands, after all, so they're safe for me to work with." Was the semi-bitter reply.

"I want some answers, and SOON," Bishop growled, turning and storming out. "…He takes himself much too seriously. We already did all the major scans for the core and we can develop another one. It's just his simple pride that's making him do this now." Stockman mused, going to his work.

Oh, well. He wasn't arguing. Not with that guy, in that mood.

* * *

KBKG: I can see him getting PIS-SY about somebody doing that to him.

Bishop: *GLARE*

KBKG: See? Anyway, the turtles come in the next chapter, and Bishop reaches a whole new level of frustration! The next chapter is Chapter 2. Enervation and Aggravation!


	2. Enervation Meets Aggravation

KBKG: The turtles make their appearance and do a little frolicking. Mikey discovers that not all is going well in Bishop's world. And Bishop is still PIS-SY. :D

Mikey: YUP! This is Chapter Two, Enervation Meets Aggravation!

KBKG: I own nothing, except my OC, Kaiser Säbel.

* * *

"Donnnnie, I'm hungry." Michelangelo whined, hanging onto his brother's leg as he was trying to fix the microwave. "Just give me a minute, Mikey, it's busted good. Go eat some cereal or something." Was the reply.

"But Raph took all the milk…!" was the argument as Mikey then proceeded to try to shake his older brother's leg off, "I wanted milk! Klunk wanted milk! But he wouldn't share! He… _he drank out of the carton. Gross_!" The younger brother argued, and Donnie sighed. "Then go buy more milk." Was the reply.

"Or I could just order a pizza." Was the reply.

Glare.

"Okay, okay, I'm going." Mikey said, hands up.

Michelangelo was taking off his 'clever disguise' as he was on the roof of the grocery store, a jug of milk and some other goodies in a bag. Pulling out a king-sized candy bar, he ripped open the wrapping and took a massive bite, before unceremoniously shoving the rest into his mouth.

This action caused his cheeks to pudge out as he walked to the edge, chewing and breathing through his nose. Like any younger sibling, he'd learned long ago how to not only eat without his hands, but also to eat with your mouth stuffed to the point of leaking. Especially when eating something like candy, which you had to protect from your siblings or risk that dreaded moment of losing even one precious chocolately square.

Then he paused, seeing one of Bishop's black trucks going by—and several more on surrounding streets. He swallowed the half-melted chocolate mass in his mouth. "Whoa, wonder what's got Bishop all worked up?" He asked, ignoring the satellite-like devices on top of the vans scanning for any trace of the stolen power core's energy.

"…Leo and the others would go check it out!" Mikey told himself. Then he turned, "BUT, it's none of my business!" He said, and gleefully turned, starting off in the opposite direction, whistling to himself.

By the time he got back underground and gotten his bowl of cereal, he'd completely forgotten ever seeing the vehicles at all.

"Why the hell haven't we found _ANYTHING_ yet?" Bishop snarled, pacing irately through one of the vehicles. "If the thief was good enough to steal the power core without being detected, it's quite obvious they're able to cloak its energy signature." Stockman told him calmly, still trying to find some kind of signature on the devices left behind by the thief.

Bishop just pulled the decoy out of his pocket—a bright yellow softball with that stupid face drawn on it. Glaring at it, his hand shook, and had he just been a smidge more frustrated with the situation, he probably would have yelled and thrown it as hard as he could. But right now, this was their next best clue.

"..NOBODY makes a fool out of John Bishop," he told himself.

Master Splinter was watching his soap operas calmly enough as his sons were fighting over something or other in the background. Sometimes, he found it best not to take notice at all. For his own sanity's sake.

Any aged father of four energetic, ornery teenage boys would have agreed.

"You got milk, but you didn't get more cereal! You ate the last bowl of my Coco Puffs!" Raph was arguing. "Ooooh, so THAT'S why you're so coo-coo!" Mikey cackled—then ran for his life from his angry older brother. "MIKEEEEY!" Raphael roared, pursuing the orange-clad turtle.

"Neener-neener! Neener-neener-neener! Neener-neener-BLAH!" Mikey stuck out his tongue as he did a handstand then a flip off the back of the couch to escape his brother, who was sent barreling into the furniture as planned. Splinter immediately smacked the red-clad turtle upside the head. "Raphael, settle down!" The old rat mutant said sharply.

"…Y-Yes, sensei." Was the chagrined reply, and Raph turned irately to Michelangelo, who wiggled his fingers out of his 'ears' and waggled his tongue and nonexistent eyebrows. Raph growled, his rage going from the normal 5 to a whopping 16, and he roared, lunging at his brother.

Mikey squealed like a little girl and barely dodged out of the way in time. "Olé!" He cried. "Olé? OLÉ? I'LL SHOW YOU OLÉ! OLÉ YOU FLAT ON THE FLOOR!" Raphael roared. "Well, well, a pun. Who knew he was smart enough?" Leo asked dully from drinking tea nearby.

"Uh-huh." Donatello agreed, pushing buttons to where he was playing Xbox Live as his brothers carried on in the background.

The day ended without much further event, for the turtles, Bishop and Stockman, or anybody else for that matter. Excluding maybe the typical New York mugging victims here and there.

Or the random gang war. But let's not get into unrelated events.

Splinter was mediating in the silence, his eyes closed, before suddenly, he came to.

Standing, he turned. "There is much havoc in the air today. It is rife with anger and energy," he said, arms crossing behind his back. "Maybe it has something to do with all of Bishop's goons combing the streets or something," Mikey said.

"…WHAT?" Raph yelled, grabbing him and shaking him violently.

"Mikey! Why didn't you say something earlier?" Leonardo argued, frustrated himself. "Uh… I forgot?" was the innocent reply. "No need getting upset with him now, guys." Donatello spoke up calmly, turning.

"Let us go see what Bishop is up to…" Splinter took his chin.

"You were right, Mikey. They're everywhere." Leo noted from the rooftops. "I wonder what they're looking for…? Or WHO?" Donatello wondered. "Us, who else?" Raphael argued, irate. "No, I don't think so. Bishop may not know _where_ we are, but he does know how to find us when he needs to." Splinter said simply, remembering the time he chased them out of the sewers to capture him to create the abominable Slayer.

"Maybe April and Casey know something." Leonardo said.

"Nah, we've noticed Bishop and his goons, too." Casey said. "Weird. I wonder what's going on?" Donatello noted, looking out the window as one of the black vehicles went by. "City officials are passing it off as an anti-terrorist bomb sweep. They're _'encouraging'_ civilians to stay in their homes unless they absolutely need something." April said.

"Bishop wants everybody out of the way. He's definitely searching for _something_." Leonardo took his chin.

"Hm… maybe he dropped his paycheck?" Mikey cracked, and everybody looked at him dully. "…Okay, okay, I admit that wasn't my best one." He said, hands waving.

"Far from it, Mikey." Leonardo said, before turning forward. "Like you'd know. You got no sense of humor." Raph muttered under his breath.

"Maybe we should follow one of his vehicles, keep an eye out until we can find out what he's looking for. If it's dangerous, we need to stop him!" Not hearing him, the blue-clad turtle said in his dedicated heroic fashion.

"Here we go again. Stickin' our shells where they don't belong, and getting whole heaps o' trouble for it." Raph grumbled. "Leo's got a point, Raph! Don't worry, I'll go, too! April, you better stay here." Casey said. She paused, then she nodded. "Uh… yeah, right." She said, looking away. In reality, she _**wanted**_ to help, but…

She shook her head, "I'll keep home base! If there's trouble, you all come right back here. I'll even have something ready to eat for when you come back." She said. "All right, April!" Mikey hugged her, and Casey kissed her and started out the door. "I will remain with you," Splinter told the woman, who nodded.

Bishop was a tough opponent, but he sensed there was little danger tonight.

As long as his sons and Casey didn't go looking for it, that is.

…On second thought…

"The turtles?" Bishop growled, having just gotten a report from one of his men. "Yeah, they've been following us for a few miles now…" was the reply. "Either they have something to do with it, or those goody-two-shoes busy-bodies are wondering what the hell we're up to." Stockman said.

Bishop, already in a bad mood, turned, cracking his knuckles, then popping the vertebrae in his neck by tilting his head. "Stop the vehicle. I'm in the mood to… _talk_," he said, and the driver obliged, secretly relieved. When Bishop was in a bad mood, his subordinates tended to feel the brunt of it.

The back opened, and Bishop stepped out, looking around, in time for the turtles to jump down in front of him, their friend Casey Jones stumbling and falling onto his aft from where he'd tried to come out of the shadows in a cool manner.

As usual, Bishop was not impressed with these bumbling fools. "…What are you up to, Bishop?" Leo argued, glancing down the deserted street. They hadn't expected Bishop to _stop_. This situation had gotten very risky. He'd _told_ his brothers to stay behind with Casey, but they hadn't listened.

"…Tell me, turtles, have you recently come into ownership of a particular power core?" Bishop decided to waste no time. "…Power core?" Donatello echoed, and they exchanged blank looks.

Knowing the turtles were too naïve to be good at lying, Bishop just clicked his tongue in disgust and did a turn so his coat snapped behind him, hands shoved into his pocket. "If you have no clue what I'm talking about, then go home! I don't have time to waste with the likes of you." He snapped.

"And if we don't feel like goin' home!" Raph argued, gripping his sais, and Bishop looked over his shoulder, eyes narrowing. Mikey squeaked, hiding behind Casey. "…TRUST ME. You DON'T want to know." Bishop snarled, and then he turned as Stockman leaned out.

"Um… bad news?" he said. "What?" was the snarled reply. "Our primary scans of the power core came back. It's in the middle of the process of overloading. If we don't find it and disable it within twenty-four hours… it'll detonate." He said. "And the extent of the damage?" Bishop demanded.

"…Well, people have been complaining that the East Coast is becoming awfully _cluttered_," was the calm reply. "…What? The entire east coast?" Donatello protested. "And some of Canada." Was the reply from Stockman.

"Oh, FUCK…" Casey noted, realizing that this situation… had just got a lot bigger than they'd initially thought. Bishop seemed to realize it, too, clenching his jaw and turning to look at the turtles with a grudging look on his face.

"…Perhaps we could come to a particular _arrangement_," he said finally.

* * *

Mikey: OOOOOOOooooooHHHHHHHhhhh! Working with Bishop and Brainiac? In the first two chapters? You don't waste any time?

KBKG: We live hard and die sooner than we like! Why waste time?

Mikey: TRUUUUUUE. :D

KBKG: In the next chapter, the turtles, Casey, Bishop, Stockman, and Kaiser all clash and come face-to-face. The tension is so thick, it makes Mikey's skull look fluid.

Mikey: Awww, thanks X3

KBKG: ...Okay, see you for Chapter 3, What's White, Black, and Green All Over?


	3. What's White, Black, and Green All Over?

Casey: SO, the guys and I are forced to work WIT' that creep Bishop and his brain-in-a-jar mad scientist to find some super-doomsday glowing orby thingie. Just another day in the hood.

KBKG: Sorry, girls, Leo was scheduled to be my assistant today, but he mysteriously ran away the second he saw me...

Casey: Uh-huh. So we meet this Kaiser chick this chapter?

KBKG: YEP. XD I own nothing but her and her inventions.

Casey: Coolie. This is Chappy 3, What's White, Black, and Green All Over?

* * *

Little did the turtles, Bishop, or Stockman know, Kaiser knew exactly what was happening to the sphere in her underground lab, and she was no throwing up every defense and putting it in every strong container she had as she was looking for a way to either destabilize it or even shut it down.

"Stealing alien artifacts of unknown and incomprehensible power is overrated," She told herself as she was running around the lab like a chicken with her head cut off. A very coordinated chicken with her head cut off, mind you, but a headless chicken nonetheless.

She knew that time was running out, and was running every possible scan. She already had tried several—dozen—failed maneuvers to get it under control. She was running out of ideas. If all else failed, she had to get that thing as far away from land as possible. As far away from land as…

"THAT'S IT!" She yelled, starting another scan.

"I don't _BELIEVE_ this! We don't even know if this power core is real, Leo! Remember the Heart of Tengu?" Raphael hissed to Leonardo. "We can't afford to just say that he's lying. If he isn't, then everything we know is _gone_," was the argument.

"Phew. This is one heck of an energy signature. How in the world can anybody cloak this?" Donatello wondered. "It just takes a simple proton alignment. Nothing too difficult for a great mind like mine. You might have more difficulty." Stockman sniffed, earning a dull look in response. '

"Is there any way to go around the proton alignment and detect its energy signature?" Bishop asked. "No, but the alignment itself should give it away." Donatello said, holding his chin as he looked at the screen. "So, uh, how do we stop this damn thing from explodin' when we find it?" Casey asked, keeping his distance from both Bishop and Stockman. "The only way to stop it from exploding and taking out all of the East Coast is to crush it with extremely high pressure. It will both expand and condense rapidly when it reaches its limit until the energy completely spends itself out." Stockman said.

"I've got a high-pressure containment center here in New York in one of my bases. If we can get it there in time, then it can burn itself out safely there." Bishop said, arms crossing.

"Sounds like a trap!" Raphael growled. "We have to take that chance, Raph. I don't have the time or equipment to build a high-pressure container for it. Not at the level it's going to need. We're really going to have to cooperate with Bishop and Stockman for this one." Donatello shook his head.

"Doesn't mean I gotta like it!" Raph argued.

Hours slowly and painfully went by as the two scientists tried to decode whatever signature was cloaking the deadly core. Everybody was silent and impatient, but there was nothing they could do. The worst part was enemies, forced to stare each other down for lack of anything better to do.

"We've got the signal!" Donatello said, and everybody looked over. "Quite the unique alignment, but simple in the end. _**I**_ would have used multiple key complex layers that weave together to create the effect of—" Stockman said. "Can it, Jarhead. You're giving me a headache." Casey said dully. "It's moving, too!" Donatello said. "Stockman, try to use the pattern of their movement to detect where they're going. We have ten hours." Bishop said, checking his watch.

"You got it, boss." Was the reply.

It was called the Lowbuzz. Kaiser had named it that for several reasons. It was a type of prototype hovercraft in the form of a hunkered-down motorcycle, with a tall visor that wrapped backwards over the visor, however, the seat and handle design forced the righter to be basically on all fours to propel it, rather like a "crotch-rocket". This kept the rider's sense of balance lower and easier to move at high-speeds.

It also made a low humming sound when it was powered up, which made an exhilarating buzzing noise, not like the sound of a car or any other earth vehicle. Also, its flight principals were almost similar to a bumblebee's. The vehicle's colors were also yellow and black. All in all, Kaiser had just liked how "Lowbuzz" sounded.

It was one of her favorite vehicles she'd made studying alien technology. It was small, fast, agile, but surprisingly durable, especially when she put up a momentum-based forcefield over the nose. Sure, the field had its limits, and was breakable, but if she ever felt the need to ram something, she knew she darn well could.

Still, considering it was still a work-in-progress, it had a lot of things she needed to work on—like, maximum height. The furthest it could go off the ground, save ramping—hovers could ramp! Who knew?—was seven feet off the ground, and that was really pushing its engines, while three feet was the safe, 'average' height it could do.

Knowing all this, Kaiser had a fairly reasonable reaction when several EPF vehicles suddenly seemed to swarm on her location out of nowhere.

"_**SHIT, DAMN, GREAT-GREAT-GRANDMOTHER OF HOLY FUCK**_."

"That's an interesting vehicle." Bishop noted from where they were pursuing it. Small, but fast, like a bumblebee. Fortunately, it seemed to have a lack of any sort of capable defenses. It was taking several blocking options to keep the thing from completely getting away from the slower but bulkier EPF vehicles. "We can't shoot it down while it has the core. It could prematurely detonate." Stockman said.

"If I only had the Shell Cycle…! I could punch the shell outta that idiot driving and that would be that!" Raph punched a palm. "Relax! I got it covered!" Casey said, and everybody looked at him as he reached back into his golf bag, like some kind of demented Santa Claus.

"…_**YOU**_?" was the dumbfounded chorus. "…This won't end well." Leo decided. "…Why did I even let him in the vehicle?" Bishop put his knuckles to his temple in frustration. "C'mon, guys! Have a little faith in me!" Casey protested, pulling out a golf ball and bouncing it in his palm, "How do I get onto the roof of this thing?"

Kaiser cursed. Damn these stupid nine-foot heavy-duty vehicles! There was no going over them, and they were making it damn hard for her to go around them. "FOOOOREEE!" rang out, and she turned in time for a golf ball to slam into the visor of her helmet, cracking it stupendously. Blinded and knowing another vehicle could come any minute, Kaiser decided to be reasonable,

Cursing, she slammed down as the Lowbuzz skidded to a violent halt, spinning to face the vehicle behind her. There was a little less than nine hours left to go. She didn't have TIME for this…!

The guy in the hockey mask jumped down from the vehicle as it came to a stop, the others forming a ring around her.

She was admittedly startled to see turtle-men come bailing out of the back, along with the man with the dark coat she'd stolen the core from in the first place. "Give up! We promise not to hurt you!" The blue-garbed turtle promised, despite holding the handles of his twin katana.

"Speak for yourself." The man said dully, fixing his sunglasses as several EPF troops began surrounding the Lowbuzz from all sides, aiming their rifles.

Kaiser just climbed out, and pulled off her helmet, and the orange-garbed turtle squeaked and pointed. "I-I-IT'S A GIRL!" He argued.

"I-I-IT'S A GIANT TURTLE!" Annoyed, Kaiser pointed back in fake horror, and the two just stared at each other for a moment. Then she sighed, head bowing as her arm fell. "…Dammit." She told herself. "You, all your troops, and your super-security all got shown up by a _girl_, Bishop?" The red-garbed turtle mocked, earning a ferocious glare from the agent, whose nostrils flared as his fists clenched.

It was pretty easy to see he was trying his hardest not to throttle the turtle.

"…Oooh, a vein bulged! A vein bulged in his temple, just like in the cartoons!" The orange-garbed turtle reached up to poke it, only for Bishop to slap his hand down, grab his wrist, twist it behind his back, and send him flying backwards over his head. "Enough of this! You!" He stormed right toward Kaiser, who squeaked slightly and stepped back, then planted her feet and leaned back as he leaned in.

It ended up her upper body was basically horizontal to keep her face a safe distance from this new threat. "…Hand it over now, and I'll make sure you don't suffer _**too**_ long." He said. "…Wow, you're pretty damn scary up close, you know that?" was all she asked, pale and wide-eyed.

Yep. She definitely fucked with the wrong person this time.

Then Bishop paused, and fixed his glasses, leaning back slightly, allowing her abused spine some relief as she tilted it forward. "Wait a minute. I recognize you from somewhere…" He said, and her face went just as blank as the rest.

"…Uh, you do? What, do you go to my library or something?" was the meek reply. "A bit of advice. Shut up." He snapped, and her hands shot up. "Yes, sir." She said weakly, eyes still wide.

"…Do you speak German?" He asked. "…Uh, is it me, or has Bishop lost it?" Casey asked the turtles behind a hand. "I don't think he ever _had _it," Donnie replied blankly.

"…Ja?" was the meek reply. "Your surname?" He demanded. "Säbel?" Kaiser asked, wondering what the hell he was getting at. This name did seem to click with the agent. "…Okay. No mercy. You die immediately." Bishop pulled out a gun and calmly aimed it between her eyes.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell did I do?" She argued, hands waving. "You already have a red mark with the EPF, Ms. Säbel. This was simply the final straw." He said. "…The hell are you talking about, you stupid government FUCKFACE—" She began, frustrated.

Wrong choice of words.

Bishop then proceeded to fire four consecutive shots, and the only thing that saved Kaiser was one of the turtles lunging in the way and tackling her aside. "Whoa, whoa, Bishop, what the shell?" Leo argued, looking up.

"That woman, Kaiser Säbel, nineteen years ago, caused the biggest security disturbance in the EPF ever suffered." Bishop snarled. "Dude, I would've been like… _six_." Was the protest.

"You were. That's what made it even more infuriating." Was the calm reply, and he aimed the gun again, but she suddenly thrust out a canister. "I planted a bomb in here with the little sonuva bitch! You shoot me, I take out half of North America!" She argued, and he halted, trying to decide whether or not she was bluffing.

While he did that, Leo lunged up, shoving her into her vehicle and jumping on the back. "Ninjas, scatter!" He argued, and she knew an opening when she saw it. Ramming on the engine and slamming on the momentum shield, she tore forward and it barreled clear through the ranks, bullets firing off the forcefield.

It then proceeded to penetrate the closest vehicle and tore off, Casey yelping as Mikey and Raph both grabbed him and escaped.

"DAMN IT…" Bishop growled, putting his gun away.

"Now what?" Stockman leaned out, only to lean back in with an "Okay!" as the agent let out an irritated snarl.

* * *

Casey: Hehe, I love pissin' him off.

KBKG: He's sexy pissed off. X3

Casey: Freakin' fangirl.

KBKG: YEPPITITIS.

Casey: That Egyptian?

KBKG: ...ANYWAY, the turtles take Kaiser back to the sewers, where they plan the best course of action to destroy the power core. Bishop does a little remembering, and... what the hell kind of threat can a six-year-old pose to the EPF? Find out in Chapter Four, Am Blitz Geleckt Haben!

Casey: The hell does that mean?

KBKG: It's German for 'to lick a lightning bolt'. Basically means you go WHOO-HOO *insert other crazy noises*

Casey: ...Oh.


	4. Am Blitz Geleckt Haben

KBKG: Ohmigod I got a watcher! ::Happy squeak:: From another country!

Mikey: Whoo-hoo! I'm happy for you! ::Hugs::

Leo: ...AHEM. The preview?

KBKG: Oh, right. This is chapter four of the Sturmkaiser installment, Am Blitz Geleckt Haben. It's a German phrase that means "to lick a lightning bolt". Also means to go mental or something. Which is awesome.

Leo: The power core arc of the story is finally over.

KBKG: That's right. That thing just really needed to die.

Mikey: KBKG doesn't own TMNT! Just Kai, her inventions, and...

KBKG: Nah, that's basically it.

* * *

The turtles took their new 'ally' to the sewers to escape Bishop and his men. They knew that for whatever reason, the government agent wanted their new friend deader than a doornail. They'd called up to April and Splinter using their communicators to have them slip down to the sewers.

Getting her through there had been fun. She'd panicked and basically started crying as she climbed straight up Casey to get away from any surface. It had taken several minutes to not only shut her up so nobody could hear her, but to also figure out the problem—she had severe blennophobia, the fear of slime, according to Donatello.

Only when they absolutely swore to her no slime would _**EVER**_ touch her, even cleared the immediate area to prove it, and then washed off when she refused to come near _them_, could they get her calm enough to follow them. However, they did end up having to blindfold her to keep her from seeing it and had her hands shoved firmly into her pockets, or she refused to budge another inch as Mikey was leading her by the shoulders.

After basic introductions and a little explaining on the turtles' parts, Kaiser frowned, looking around blindly. "So… you guys _aren't_ working with that Bishop guy. For the most part, you're all enemies." She said. "That sums it up. But what in the world made you steal from Bishop? Do you have a death wish or something?" Donatello said.

She shrugged. "I was just testing the water. Didn't realize Jaws was lurking beneath the surface. Now I know better." She said. "What did he mean by all that stuff about you causing an EPF security issue nineteen years ago?" Leo asked. "I don't have a clue. I've never seen him before in my life, before the heist." She said as she was walking with them through the sewers.

"Well, you _would_ have been just a kid, so maybe you just forgot." Was the reply. "That crazy fuck'r Bishop seems to be worse than normal." Casey said, arms crossing. "Yeah…! He's always grouchy, but he just seems to not like you, Kai!" Mikey said, prodding her. "_KAISER._" Was the stiff reply. "But Kai is cuter! You're a girl, it should sound cute!" He said, and she paused.

"Well… guess that's kinda true…" She noted. Silence. "…You guys sure there's _no slime_ near me?" She looked around paranoidly despite the blindfold keeping anything from her vision, voice warbling as she squirmed. "We're damn sure!" Raph yelled, gripping his head in frustration. "Take it easy, Raph. Blennophobia is a real phobia. It's better just to keep her calm." Donatello said behind a hand. "But it's ridiculous! And stupid! And annoying!" was the argument.

Soon enough, They reached the lair, entering, and April and Splinter were waiting. "So this is the thief that has our enemy Bishop so angry." Splinter looked at her as the door shut and Mikey removed the blindfold. She honestly didn't look like much at first glance, but his experience locked onto her calloused fingertips, her lean, wiry muscles, and faintly scarred knuckles.

This young woman had seen her fair share of combat. Kaiser paused, off-guard. Okay, the turtles had been odd, and she'd adapted. But she'd never expected to see an overgrown _rat_. Let alone in _clothes_.

"This is Master Splinter, our father and our sensei." Leonardo said, and Splinter bowed. Awkwardly, Kaiser bowed back. "Sensei, this is Kaiser Säbel, the thief." Leonardo added. "Procurer of rare and ill-gained artifacts, if you must." She said, straightening. Dull looks. "…Or bandit. Bandit just sounds cooler. Like I have a _purpose_." She shrugged.

"Bandit it is." Donatello decided not to argue—he was seeing some signs of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, too. It was amazing this woman could leave her house at all.

"This has all been great, but what about the power core? In case nobody's noticed, we got only six hours left to get rid of that thing before the entire East Coast goes _KABLUEY!_" Raph argued, throwing his arms out.

"Relax. I've already figured out a way to safely get rid of it. I was on my way to do that before you guys and that crazy Black Ops. guy stopped me." Kaiser said. "Oooh… Sorry 'bout that." Casey went over to where April was sitting on the couch, but the woman stood and offered her hand.

"I'm April, Casey's wife." She said. "Nice to meet you." Kaiser shook it affably enough, then she pulled out the canister. "The core is in here. I was going to take it far enough into the ocean and use _**this**_ to fire it deep enough down that the pressure would not only crush the canister, but set off the premature explosion when it got deep enough, and keep everything completely contained." She said, holding up a rucksack.

"…A bag?" Raph asked dully, but she opened it, pulling out a long case and opening it. "Of course not, my hotheaded turtle friend. What's _in_ the bag. It's one of my own inventions, created by studying and modifying pre-existing alien technology." She said, opening it to show several pieces of a metal tube, wiring, and a handle, "It's not set up yet, but it only takes me roughly fifteen seconds to assemble it." She said.

Kaiser shrugged, "Basically, it's an alien potato launcher. It has the speed and firing ability to shoot something even to the bottom of the Laurentian Abyss in less than fifty seconds. "Ooooh," Donnie went over to check it out. "Great. Another geek." Raph muttered. "Can I try it sometime?" Mikey asked.

"No way, it's still got bugs to work out. It's not far away from being able to punch a penny through the _atmosphere_." Kaiser argued. "It's… _beautiful_. Mind if I take a look at it?" Donnie asked in awe. "Uh, sure." She looked over. "Donnie might be able to work out any 'bugs'. Then we'll get rid of the power core once and for all!" Leonardo assured her. "Yeah, he's our resident geek." Raph mocked.

"Fellow geek!" Kaiser grabbed Donnie's hand and shook it eagerly."What's your IQ?" he asked eagerly. "I don't know! I never took a test!" Was the cheerful reply.

Meanwhile, Bishop was opening a file from the EPF archives. It was dated nineteen years ago, and showed the profile of a younger Kaiser Säbel. As a child, she only appeared to look even more awkward, but with larger eyes and a rounder face.

"So a six-year-old little girl really did cause a security disturbance here?" Stockman walked over, robotic arms crossing. "The biggest security alarm we'd ever had." Bishop's arms crossed behind his back, and he turned.

"Nineteen years ago, we detected somebody had successfully hacked into our security systems and entered our data files, and was going through them with apparently _no_ issue. We detected the origination of the hack and stormed the place, taking the family of six captive, and brought them to the closest EPF headquarters to interrogate the adults. We left the children, nine-year old triplets, and the six-year old little girl in another room with some computers to entertain themselves and keep them out of the way." Bishop took his chin.

"We interrogated the two adults for _**hours**_. We were about to begin torturing them, when one of my men reported that we were being hacked. Again. By one of our own computers. So I rushed to the other room, only to find the triplets hiding away and crying… and the six-year old on the computer in question. And when I asked her what she was doing, the damned little brat just looked at me, looked at the screen, and asked if I wanted to play the next round of the game." Bishop rubbed his chin.

Silence.

Stockman immediately burst out laughing in shrill, mocking hysterics. Had he had functioning tear ducts, he would have laughed until he cried.

"The almighty EPF systems were hacked by a six-year-old little girl thinking she was playing a _computer game_? That's so rich, it _has_ to be fattening…!" He choked out between his amusement.

Bishop just glared at his scientist, until, slowly, the brain recollected himself and cleared his nonexistent throat.

"…Then what?" He asked.

"I asked her to start over and show me exactly every single thing she did. She was more than happy to oblige. I watched in disgust as the world's top security system was happily jumped over and danced around by a six-year old. I fired all of my computer programmers later that day, and made sure to close off everything that little brat did. When I was done, I erased all their memories of the event and let them go." Bishop grunted.

"…Not before I tested the girl's IQ. Turns out, the little brat was a genius and nobody even knew it. She was six years old and had an IQ of over 150. I'd hate to imagine what it would be now. Unfortunately, the thing was a bit of a slacker."

"I kept tabs after that. Had her high school and college years been a little more _interesting_, I would have approached her for an offer to work for me. Turns out, she's a lazy, complacent little brat. Never even finished college. So I lost interest in her activities. I suppose that's where I made a mistake." Bishop said, fixing his sunglasses.

Silence.

"…_PFFTT_…" Stockman choked, earning another glare.

~FOUR HOURS TO GO…~

Donnie looked up. "I think I've got it." He said. "Wow, Donatello, you're amazing! I never would have thought about rerouting the core like that to redistribute the force of the kickback." Kaiser said.

"…La-la-la! Geek speech! Don't understand a word of it!" Mikey yelled, covering his ears. "Now, we _barely_ have enough time to take this thing far enough out that we can fire it deep enough to destroy it. We'd better leave right away." Donnie stood. "Right!" Kaiser stood. "Wait, wait, the _thief_ is coming with us?" Raph argued.

"Bandit," Kaiser and Donatello chorused helpfully.

"Whatever!" was the yelled reply.

"Listen, I took this thing, and that might be the reason it destabilized. That means that it's my responsibility and the lives of everybody it endangers. I'm going to personally make sure that this thing safely detonates, so nobody has to get hurt for my mistake." Kaiser said, a hand to her chest.

"…Okay, FINE. The thief can come." Was the muttered reply.

"Bandit." Was the chorus.

"WHATEVER!" Raph stormed out.

Kaiser smirked to herself. The noble act, she told herself, always gets people to cooperate.

~~THREE HOURS TO GO~~

"The sphere has been moving over the ocean for a while now." Stockman said. "I see. They intend to use the sea's pressure itself to destroy it. A shame that we won't be able to harness the energies from the destruction process, but at least its ruin won't take anything out." Bishop took his chin.

"So you're not pursuing them." Stockman said. "No. I've decided that Kaiser Säbel might someday be of some _use_ to me." Bishop had calmed down significantly now that he'd learned the fate of the power core. Learning he'd had to destroy it himself anyway had taken away the sting and the humiliation of its theft, so he was able to calmly look at the situation.

He turned, arms crossing behind this back. "I'm going to call this whole affair a test of a potential tool's abilities. And Miss Säbel has passed most appreciatively." He smirked. "…Hm. Does Agent Bishop have the hots?" Stockman asked. This earned another one of those glares.

"…I thought not." Was the reply.

~~THIRTY-FIVE MINUTES TO GO!~~

Donnie had lowered the chopper down as close to the water as he could. "We have plenty of time, but I can't get it any closer and that bazooka isn't water-proof." He yelled. "Leave that to me!" Kaiser yelled, pushing the button on her boot-bottoms, and jumped out. Multiple gasps—then sighs of relief as she landed in a crouch on top of the water.

Then realization sunk in and they gasped again. "DUUUUDE, SHE'S JESUS!" Mikey cried. "Water skeeter, more like it." Raph grumbled, but she just walked out of the angle of the helicopter propellers, the water not even rippling. On closer investigation, Donnie found she was hovering roughly two inches over the surface.

"Fascinating! Those things on her shoes _repel_ surfaces, allowing her to walk over the water! Why, with the proper adjustments, she could walk on any sort of surface!" He noted, awed. Oooh, he wanted to get his hands on those _**so**_ bad…!

Finally, she aimed the gun straight down, sucked in a deep breath, and loaded the canister into the gun.

"Kickback's gonna be a bitch," She muttered to herself, and fired.

There was a blast and a plume of smoke, and a wall of water burst up, and Kaiser let out a startled shriek as she was sent flying like a roman candle. The canister and its deadly cargo sunk rapidly into the depths, a burst of bubbles and air trailing up after it.

As it got deeper, the can began to crush itself under its own weight. Overhead, the turtles were pulling a now-soaked Kaiser back onto the helicopter, where she was still a little stunned from her hard landing.

Beneath them, deep in the depths, a sphere of yellow energy seemed to burst out, then rapidly shrink, then expand, like some sort of heart letting out rapid, deadly beats. It seemed to get bigger every time it expanded, and smaller every time it shrunk, before finally it shrunk one last time and the yellow light extinguished completely.

Enormous bubbles of churned water surfaced, and then there was silence.

~Later, back on shore…~

"Thanks for the help, everybody. I feel much better with that stupid thing gone." Kaiser said, standing in front of the turtles and their friends. "We jus' hope you've learned your lesson, thief!" Raph argued.

"Yeah. Don't steal from that Bishop guy." Was the reply. "Or at all!" The red-clad turtle yelled, grabbing his head in frustration. "Hey, hey, I am the _Robbin'-fucking-hood_ of alien technology, and I'm also the _mutha-fuckin' Batman_! It's better I have it than somebody who would have _dropped_ that power core on an enemy country or planet!" Kaiser argued, jabbing a thumb at her chest.

"She's got a point, Raph. Well, Kaiser, it was nice meeting you. If you ever need help again, you know how to reach us." Leo offered his hand. She paused, then she grinned, offering her own. "Likewise! I look forward to working with you! Fortunately without having to worry about a doomsday device next time!" She said.

"You can say _that_ again," Mikey joked.

* * *

KBKG: The turtles have a new ally in Kaiser, and Kaiser has friends and therefore a reason to get out of the lab once and a while. But when the turtles come to visit her, they find that she has a surprising hobby.

Leo: An embarrassing hobby.

KBKG: A hobby nonetheless. However, they end up looped into it, Raph gets a perv moment, and... the Purple Dragons and the EPF?

Leo: ...Come back for Panic! At the Convention. Please. It'll save us all a lot of trouble.

KBKG: Review, too, if you would, please!


	5. Panic! at the Convention

KBKG: I felt the urge to show of Kai's more ridiculous side. This is Chapter 5, Panic! at the Convention.

Raphael: And that you do. Freak.

KBKG: Yep! Proud of it, too! This chapter features cosplay, an anime convention, not to mention Hun, the Purple Dragons, and more Bishop action! Cuz I can never get enough of Bishop. ;D

Raphael: Fangirl freak.

KBKG: Yep! Doubly so proud of it! I only own Kai and her inventions!

* * *

Two weeks came and went without much further excitement. With the power core detonated, everybody was allowed to go back to their everyday lives. Kaiser was no different. She tinkered, sewed, baked, tinkered some more, and started making plans for her next heist.

But first, something much more important had to be done.

Meanwhile, the turtles were out in that part of the town, and decided to check on the 'bandit' to make sure she hadn't gotten into any more trouble. "Kaaaaai…! It's Michelangelo! We came to visit you!" Mikey called as they flipped into one of her unlocked upstairs windows.

For somebody who made thievery from big, important people her lifestyle, she had pretty damn lax security.

"Maybe she's not home?" Donnie looked around. "Sheesh. Look at this place. It's a mess." Raph's arms crossed out. All kinds of things were strewn all over the place, "And I thought Mikey's room was a pigsty. So much for a scientist."

The door opened, and Kaiser stepped in, and both sides froze, staring at each other. "…Kai? What… the shell… are you wearing?" Donatello was the first to recover his wits enough to speak.

The young woman was wearing a cutesy little puffy pink costume with a large cream ribbon on the chest, and on the back with a pink hat with a bow and long stockings and pink little girl shoes, and she blinked for a moment, then her face went six shades of red.

"…I'm gonna go kill myself now." She squeaked, turning, and slammed the door. "…PFFFFFHT!" Raph covered his face before violently cracking up, only for Leo to elbow him. "Waaait, Kai! That's too cute of a cosplay outfit to kill yourself over! Was that Cardcaptor Sakura?" Mikey ran after, arms waving.

"…Cosplay?" Leo looked blankly at Donatello. "Uh, some fans of certain shows or video games will dress up like their favorite characters when going to conventions and so on. It's pretty popular… for… some reason. I didn't know Kai did it." Was the shrugged reply.

In moments, Mikey had brought Kaiser back, but her face was still flaming red as Raph was basically collapsed against a wall, still shaking and in tears from his laughter. His brothers elbowed him again. "…I just want to kill myself," Kaiser squeaked out, pushing down the short skirt subconsciously. "But it's… cute… for…" Donatello was lost for words.

What TO say to that?

"…A revealing little poofy _PINK_ outfit. So much for the bad-ass _bandit_!" Raph snorted, covering his face.

"You never said anything about liking anime, Kai!" Mikey said. "…I-I don't tell anybody, 'cept the other cosplayers… it's a little embarrassing for my age… right?" She asked weakly. "Not at all!" Mikey replied, the same time Raph said, "You got THAT right!"

Kaiser just let out a squeak in her throat.

"…Uh, Kai, if you want, we can wait downstairs while you get changed." Leo said. "Sorry, but I'm going to the convention that's downtown today…" She said, checking a watch hidden underneath one of her poofy wristbands, then picked up a long coat, shrugging it on.

"You guys wanna come?" She asked. "Huh? US? But…?" Leo was caught off-guard. "People'll just think you're in costume. You could say you're kappa or something." She said, buttoning up the front to hide the costume. "…Will all the chicks there be dressed like _that_?" Raph pointed.

"Some even more scantily. I'd wear some of those costumes, but I don't have the chest for it." Was the reply. "Oh, shell, I'm in." he replied, earning dull looks from Leo and Donnie. "My first convention!" Mikey squealed, hugging Kaiser, who just looked more than a little off-guard.

"C'mon, boys, let's live a little." Raph grinned and shrugged.

"…This is gonna be trouble, I just know it." Leo decided, and Donatello nodded.

Meanwhile, across town, Hun was plotting a new heist for the Purple Dragons. Business had been successful since the Shredder was gone. Now, they had their gaze on the Eye of Insignia, a strange artifact that looked like a jewel recovered from the Triceraton/Federation invasion.

In order to hide it, the EPF had decided to put it in an underground bunker underneath a hotel.

"Look at all these costumed little freaks. Nobody'll even notice us going in." Hun smirked, cracking his knuckles, but then he turned with a growl as some of his boys leaned back to see some scantily dressed girls go by. "…Why don't we ever go to these?" One asked, seeing a chick's ass hanging out of her revealing costume as she walked by. "Because we're normal, ADULTS that don't go around dressed like idiots!" Hun snarled, waving a hand.

"Dudes, great costumes. What anime is that from?" A guy dressed up like Ikkaku Madarame from Bleach pointed as he went by.

Hun just growled, crossing his arms.

~~Underneath the hotel…~~

"I wish those fools hadn't scheduled a convention while the Eye was here. When everybody that walks through the door is a freak, it becomes impossible to pick out who's a threat." Bishop growled, fingertips to his temple.

"Relax. In the hustle and bustle, nobody probably even realizes we're here. After all, it is a giant secret underground bunker built _underneath_ the hotel." Stockman said, looking at the fist-sized giant gemstone with the insignia carved onto the flat upper surface. The jewel was clear, but it shimmered with all different colors of light, like a disco ball.

In all actuality, the jewel itself was simply a container formed to keep the energies of the Insignia itself contained.

What the Insignia did itself… well…

They were working on that…

"Sir! We've detected the Purple Dragons in the compound!" One of the EPF men at the monitors nearby said. "Shit," Bishop hissed, sucking in a sharp breath through his teeth. This day just couldn't get worse, he decided, glaring at a monitor where a few purple dragons were taking some pictures with a few of the less modestly dressed women at the conventions while Hun just looked pissed.

Then, seeing his boss's bad mood, and another monitor of newcomers, he turned. "…Err, that's not all, sir. W-Well…" He faded.

This wouldn't go well.

Upstairs, Kaiser and the boys were in, wearing nametags. "Wow! Great kappa costumes! How long did they take to make?" One guy asked Mikey. "Err… nine months?" Donnie shrugged at his brothers, who shrugged back. "Sweet." Was the grinning reply, then the turtles turned to where a bunch of enthusiastic girls were gathered around Kaiser, fawning over her costume.

"It's adorable! Just like the costume! And it's so well-made! I wish I could sew this good!" One girl said, holding out Kaiser's arm to look at the folds of the costume. "Could you make me a costume for next year?" A girl dressed like Hinata from Naruto asked. "Yeah, sure. Just decide and call me." Kaiser whipped out a card like a professional—and immediately got mobbed for them.

"…Wow, Kai's costume is pretty popular." Leo noted as Mikey was grinning in the background, posing and making muscles with the guy who'd talked to them as a guy was taking pictures of them together.

"Mm, what?" Raph didn't reply, leaning back to look at a woman in a Dona from Final Fantasy X costume go by. Dull looks. "…Hey, c'mon, gimme a break!" was the argument. "Raph, pull yourself together…" Donnie said dully—then Mikey saw something and squawked, running over to grab Leo's arm and pointing.

His older brother shaded his eyes to see through the crowd of bright and sometimes garish costumes…

"Oh, shell." He said, seeing Hun wading through the crowd.

He turned, "Ninjas! We're on the job! Kaiser, we'll be back, we have something to take care of!" Leo said, and she turned, "Hey! W-Wait for me! Here, just take a stack of cards and distribute as you see fit!" She said, shoving them into the group of admirer's hands and hurried after.

Hun met up with some Purple Dragons in an empty hallway, several happily clutching disposable cameras. "I am _**so**_ coming next year," One said eagerly as the turtles and Kaiser were crouched around a corner.

"Who are they?" Kaiser asked. "Purple Dragons. They're a gang that _used_ to work for a bad guy called the Shredder. Now they're an organized crime unit. Their leader, Hun, is an old… _friend_ of ours." Donatello explained.

Raph was silent, then he leaned back just a little to look at the girl bent over in front of him to peek around the corner. Hey, Kai was a girl, right?

"…Raph!" Leo hissed, seeing this and socking his brother's arm. "It's her fault for wearing such a showy costume!" was the hissed reply. "It's your fault for being a pervert!" Leo hissed. "What are we hissing about?" Mikey whispered. "Shut up, Mikey!" was the hissed chorus.

"I wonder what Hun and the Dragons are doing here…" Donnie and Kaiser hadn't noticed a thing about this, being focused on the task at hand. The young woman just reached into a bag over her shoulder, and pulled out the attachments she put to the bottom of her shoes, and tugged two leather harnesses hidden in the bow on her back. "Good thing I never go anywhere unprepared for action." She said.

They turned back to where Raph and Leo were glaring each other down, and Mikey was just looking back and forth, confused. "…Are they always like this?" Kaiser asked Donnie after a moment.

"Unfortunately. Guys! Hello!" Donnie argued, and they looked forward as Hun reached a section of the wall—and impressively ripped it right off its hidden tracks, revealing a hidden metal high-security door behind it!

"Whoa. Hulk Smash." Kaiser said with a blink, and Mikey snorted and grabbed one of her ribbons, cracking up into it to muffle the sound. "Look! On that door…! It's the EPF insignia! Bishop must have a base underneath this hotel…!" Leo said.

"_Bishop_? C'mon, we just finished dealing with him! Shouldn't there be like a three chapter limit before we have to deal with him again?" Mikey asked. "…_Chapter_?" Kaiser and his brothers looked at him blankly.

"…Well, I'm just saying, if this were a fanfiction, the writer really needs to work harder to introduce more characters into the plot rather than just keep using the same ones all the time—" Mikey began, before Donnie covered his mouth. "Mikey. Dude. This is life. Real life is _NOT A FANFICTION_." He said in a harsh whisper, and let him go.

"…Far as we know. Just sayin'." Mikey shrugged. "Dude, Mikey, please don't say that. Cuz we'd all so be Mary Sues." Kaiser said, and the other gasped, covering his mouth in horror.

"…GUYS, can we go already and drop this stupid conversation?" Raph interrupted, because Hun had already ripped the EPF security door off its hinges and had started in with the Purple Dragons.

"…Yeah, let's go!" Leo said, and off they ran.

* * *

Raph: Like makin' fun of yourself, do ya?

KBKG: Proves I'm human.

Raphael: Whatever. Next chapter, big confrontation, all that big stupid fanfiction chapter introduction crap.

KBKG: ...You just don't want to have to do this again, later, do you?

Raphael: NAHHH, you think?

KBKG: ...And so you are doomed to help me with the next three chapters!

Raphael: WHAAAAAAAT? NO FAIR!

KBKG: :P See you all next time for Chapter 6, Instant Insanity-Just Add Turtle!


	6. Instant Insanity Just Add Turtle!

Raph: I hate you SO bad.

KBKG: You asked for it. Do your job decently and I won't make it another ten chapters.

Raph: OKAY, OKAY... In chapter 6, Instant Insanity-Just Add Turtle, we fight Bishop and Hun, and Kaiser proves herself to be completely nuts. Stupid girl...

KBKG: She's twenty-five. She's older than ME.

Raph: ...Really?

KBKG: Yep. I'm only twenty. Point five... six. Or something. I've always been bad with fractions.

Raph: ...HUH. Okay, KBKG only owns Kai and her inventions. Not us. (Thank shell).

* * *

"Well, I wasn't hoping to have anything to do with that creep-o Bishop again so soon. He still wants me dead. I can just tell." Kaiser said. She and the turtles had gone to an anime convention… and found Hun and the Purple Dragons busting into an underground EPF bunker!

So there they were, pursuing to see what in the world they wanted. "He's got a lot of bases. Hopefully, he won't be at _this_ one right now." Donnie said helpfully. Unfortunately, he was, and Bishop knew exactly about all of his visitors that were coming to see him, and the precious Eye of Insignia.

"Did you have to come in that ridiculous pink froufrou outfit?" Raph hissed at Kai. "Sorry, but the only change of clothes I brought with me is…" She opened her bag and revealed a very short little poofy cream, yellow, and green fairy-like dress that was even shorter. "…You burn me up!" Raph argued.

"Keep the pink. Or he'll be staring at your butt all day." Donnie advised behind a hand. Too late for that, Leo told himself dully. "At least you look cute." Mikey said—then Leo hushed them and pulled them behind a corner. Two Purple Dragons were guarding a door head, a few of Bishop's men down on the ground, either unconscious, or worse.

The two were looking at pictures of some of the scanty girls in the convention upstairs. "Boy, these kids are crazy, but, man, they know how to tease a cock." One said. "Dude, if you gotta jack one off, go down the hallway to do it. Hun told us to keep watch for more of Bishop's goons." The other said dully.

"I got an idea!" Kaiser said, earning concerned looks. "Maybe you should leave this to us…" Raph said dully, but she'd already hopped out. "Hi! Is this the way to the bathroom? I got lost!" She chirped, and both guys looked up. "…Sorry, little girl, but go back the way you came." One said dully, as both of their faces fell from where they'd been hoping for a skanky, busty babe.

"…I'M TWENTY-FIVE!" Kaiser yelled, annoyed and bright red. "…Seriously? Doesn't look like you got boobs to me." Was the reply, and the turtles almost could hear something give a loud SNAP! in their new friend's brain.

"I HAVE BOOBS, THANK YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH, AND THEY ARE FUCKING _**GREAT**_ BOOBS, YOU FUCKING STUPID BITCHES!" shrieked through the hallways, and there was a PING! then two loud THUD! noises.

"Kai!" Mikey protested, and the turtles jumped out, hands on their weapons, but she just turned, flipping what looked like a coin before catching it and holding it out. "Adrenaline booster. Knocked them out cold." She said, and Donnie ran forward to take it and look at it. "Fascinating…!" He said, examining it. "You can keep it and check it out." She said, and the other turtles walked forward.

"Whoa-ho, bros, we better take note of Kai's fabulous cleavage before she kills us all!" Mikey made an hourglass figure with his hands in the air, earning dull looks from his brothers.

"I know they're not a 36DD, but they _are_ fabulous." She turned stiffly, still bright red, and stormed through the next door.

Meanwhile, a crash rang through the center of the bunker, and Bishop sidestepped and dusted himself off. "I thought you learned last time, _MEATHEAD_, that fighting me isn't a successful endeavor." He smirked at Hun, who snarled and swung his fist at the agent, who sidestepped again.

"Felt a breeze from that one," Bishop said coolly, then he jumped over Hun's leg as it swung out, hands in his pockets, and landed on the brute's ankle and drove his heel up into Hun's jaw, sending him back as he calmly flipped off, skidding back. "When you feel like quitting, just tell me." He added.

"HUN!" It was just in time for our heroic turtles to rush in. "The turtles…?" Hun argued, looking over in shock. "That's right, and…" Leo halted, turning. "…Where the hell is Kai?" He asked. "Her self-confidence took its coup de grace a while back. She said she'd rather die slowly and painfully than someone like Bishop see her right now." Donnie jabbed a thumb back.

Bishop's eyebrow rose, "Miss Säbel is with you turtles?" Strange. He didn't remember seeing her on the monitor.

"…Who needs her? We can handle this!" Raph whipped out his sais. "Out of the way, TURTLES," Hun spat, turning to this new threat, and Bishop backed up to where Stockman had the Eye of Insignia. "Get into the storage chamber." He said. "All right, all right!" His physically delicate scientist grabbed the jewel's container and rushed for it, only for Hun to lunge forward and grab it.

"Thanks, _old friend_!" Hun went to smash the container sustaining his former ally's brain, but Bishop grabbed his ponytail and yanked, making him stumble back, and the Eye went flying into the air. "The Eye! It's extremely delicate!" Stockman cried, and Bishop kicked Hun's back and lunged off for the jewel, but Mikey whooped and grabbed it.

Hun rolled over, grabbing a handheld machine gun, and turned it on Mikey, who let out a girly scream, but there was a flash and a razor-sharp disk slammed into the barrel of the gun and sheered it clear in half, and there was a tug and Kaiser caught it. "Kai! My hero!" Mikey sobbed, landing by her and hugging.

Silence. Bishop, Stockman, and Hun all took in the pink-garbed spectacle before them. Bishop even pushed down his sunglasses for a better look, and, slowly, one shade at a time, Kai's face went from its normal color to fire-engine scarlet. "…Can I go kill myself now?" She asked weakly, and Raphael facepalmed.

"Don't wear stupid outfits if you're gonna hate yourself for it!" He yelled, shaking her. "But they're so damn cute…!" she protested.

Bishop deemed that moment appropriate to push his sunglasses back up and clear his throat, and everybody looked over. "Oh, yeah, right, drama moment." Mikey said, and Raph pulled away from Kaiser and whipped out his sais, and she tensed into a fighting pose.

"…On a level of one to ten, what are we facing here?" She asked. "Hun's roughly a six. Bishop is… well… nineteen." Donatello said. "_**GREAT**_. This'll be fun. Our asses are going to be handed to us on a silver platter." She replied dully.

Hun snorted.

"Wait a minute! _**Barbie Doll**_ over there is gonna fight! HA! Do you hold out your little pinkie when you punch?" He asked, making a tea-cup sipping motion. Her eyebrow twitched, her face darkening. "…You know, we haven't known Kai that long. But when she makes that face, it never ends up being good." Donnie told Raph. "Uh-huh. But that makes things interesting." Raph smirked.

"Don't worry, missy, if you cry when I hit you, I won't hit you again!" Hun laughed, and SNAP! Kaiser planted her feet, her shoe covers beeping—and she lunged with an irritated cry, and slammed her fist right into his jaw.

Silence.

She turned, shaking her hand out, "_**SHIT DAMN FUCK WHORE BASTARD SONUVA BITCH**_!" She argued, and turned, kicking him in the shin.

Silence.

"Ow. Ow. Ow." She sobbed, holding her offended foot and hopping away. "…Guess we didn't tell her he's hard as a rock," Mikey said behind a hand.

Hun turned as he felt a tap on his shoulder. "Are you forgetting me?" Bishop asked calmly, and the giant snarled and punched, his fist slamming through a screen. Grabbing his arm, Bishop flipped up onto it and landed in a hard crouch on his head and lunged off as Stockman fled out of the room, shutting the door behind him, and Bishop flipped and landed by Kaiser.

Who promptly screamed in terror and slammed her back into the closest wall. "Get him away! Get him away from me!" She argued, and Raph lunged in to comply, but Bishop sidestepped and ducked the turtle, then he turned, slamming his palm right next to where Kaiser's face was as she was trying to escape.

She squeaked, eyes wide as her face lost all color.

"Pink." He said.

"H-H-HUH?" She stuttered out.

Bishop leaned down, smirking, right next to her ear. "Personally, I liked you better in white." He said, then he planted a foot on the wall and backflipped off onto Hun's back to dodge a slash from Leonardo, then he flipped off in time for Donnie's bow to crack down on the giant's head instead of the agent's.

Groaning, Hun stumbled, and Kai pulled out the leather harnesses in her bow, pulling out what looked like steel-made brass knuckles that had a seven-inch spike sticking out of the outer edge, and she lunged, slamming them hard into his lower spine so he flinched back. "Nighty-night, Hun!" Mikey jumped up, landing hard on the giant's face so he fell backwards, and his head cracked into the wall.

"Now! To handle Bishop!" Leo said, and the turtles and Kai turned to him, but he just held up the Eye of Insignia, and Mikey squawked, feeling himself. "Thanks, but no thanks. I have my prize." Bishop said. He turned, running for the door that Stockman had fled out of.

Kai threw one of her adrenaline boosters after him, but he turned and caught it between two fingers, before crushing it. "Miss Säbel, I've already seen that display of your technology. Do try to come better armed with something newer next time. I look forward to seeing what you can come up with." He smirked, and the door slammed shut before Leo could reach him.

"Gotta hand it to Bishop, he is _smooth_," Mikey said, letting out a low whistle, and Kaiser just stared at the door for a moment. "…Damn. You can say THAT again…! I am going to _**MARRY**_ that man!" She noted after a moment, hands clasped.

"_**WHAAAAAAAAT?**_"The turtles all roared as they turned to her with wide eyes. "…Okay. OKAY. That does it. You're insane!" Raph pointed at her, then he turned to Leo. "We gonna chase after Kai's future husband or what?" he asked gruffly, jabbing a thumb back at where she was still having a classic fangirl 'sparkly' moment as Mikey just waved a hand in front of her eyes.

Leo seemed to think about it for a moment. "Knowing Bishop, he's probably long gone by now. He wastes no time retreating. And I don't want to be here when Hun and the dragons come to. Let's go back to the convention." He said. "Whoo-hoo!" Mikey cheered, pumping a fist.

"Yeah! I can still sign up for the costume contest!" Kaiser said cheerfully. "And then we can give you a psychological exam because of your taste in men." Donnie grinned sheepishly. "He put a gun between your _**eyes**_ two weeks ago!" Raph jabbed his pointer finger in said location.

"…He's sexy. All is forgiven." Kaiser shrugged, and Raph groaned, covering his eyes. "I just don't BELIEVE you…" He muttered.

* * *

Raph: Yup. She's insane.

KBKG: Libido conquers fear. Not exactly a textbook romance, but...

Raph: ...Whatever. Next chapter, my brothers and I-NO KAI-decide to do a little digging into the artifact Bishop had. What we find is more than a little troublesome.

KBKG: Come back for Chapter 7, The Eye of Insignia!

Raph: Review, or she'll never leave me alone. ((Two chapters to go and I'm FREE...))


End file.
